Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
