Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
