Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
