is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
