The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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