Soap is not a condiment
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
