i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
