I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
