New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
