Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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