Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
