just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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