On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
is that a dick in a sweater?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
