I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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