Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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