Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
