Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
