My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
