Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
