Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
