Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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