Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
