I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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