I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
