if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
