I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
