You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
