By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
