She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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