I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
