It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
