just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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