Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize