I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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