I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
