i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
