i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
