I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
