so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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