i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
