bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
