He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
