Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
