help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
