I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
