there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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