You're my little dorito
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
