I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize