I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
