2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
