if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
