Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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