A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
