Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
