I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
