y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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