Swine flu. Run for my life!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
