You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
