So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
