Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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