Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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