Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize