how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
