as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
