If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Four minutes until I can fart!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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