They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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